Somebody once told me I was RAD

Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn’t establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. 

By Mayo Clinic Staff

I was in my early thirties when I was court ordered to seek counseling for a DUI. It was actually my second DUI so some sort of counseling was probably long overdue. My intention was to generalize my problems and gloss over my past. I had a number of required sessions and it eventually occurred to me that I would have to give her more to chew on. My repertoire was full so I could pull from just about any time in my life and talk through the whole session and then some. Having completed my required sessions, which included a standard Psychological Test, I finally received my hard earned certificate of completion and my Labels. Some words I had heard before, BiPolar, Depression, adult child of an alcoholic, anxiety and PTSD. Reactive attachment disorder was a new one to me. In all of my thirty some years I never could figure out why I failed at personal relationships. Very often it seemed as though it was easier to sabotage them then continue. Relationships always ended eventually anyway right? In fact that is how my life began with my own mother.

As a PreSchooler I was taken from my alcoholic and prescription drug addicted mother. I was placed in foster care, adopted and eventually placed back into the State System. I was never given any reason to get attached or trust anyone in my life, I just never knew it had a label. It seems fitting that this disorder is a rare one, and I would be one of the few children who would develop it. I was raised in the State System from preschool until high school, teaching myself lessons along the way. So just like the Seedling I wrote about, I was left in the dark with little or no nutrients, and I wilted.

I’d like to share a Poem I recently wrote about my labels.

Mindless Labels:

I Walk mindless, Carrying Depression in my backpack

Holding Anxiety in my pockets, RAD socks on my feet

I Wear a BiPolar Blazer to cover my Alcoholic body

Tongue pierced with Anger, Lips pierced with Fear

PTSD colored eyes wearing Rose colored glasses

-Kasper (kelly blake)

The Seedling

seed·ling
ˈsēdliNG
noun
 
  1. a young plant, especially one raised from seed and not from a cutting.
    Once the seed is planted it begins to grow. Seeds require attention and sustenance in order to thrive. Is this also not the case with our children? The seed is planted and with proper care and nourishment it develops into a seedling. But the seedlings journey doesn’t end there. It must be planted in nutrient rich soil and continued to receive sustenance and attention. If you place the seedling in a dark corner and do not encourage growth with nutrients it will not flourish. If neglected it will wilt and begin to shrivel.
    Children also require nutrients and knowledge in order to thrive. Allowing a child to live in poor soil, searching for ways to survive on their own leads to poor choices and bad habits. Throughout my Blog I will discuss many subjects rooted in abuse, neglect, labels, adoption, juvenile delinquency and living with disorders. These subjects are quite common but often difficult for people to talk about. Let’s Learn, Share, Grow and Heal together.
    Kasper (April 2017)

Come Join Me For Coffee

Hello! Thank you for joining me as I drink my coffee. My name is Kelly but I often refer to myself as Kasper. I will delve into that subject from time to time. I am married to a very unique, sometimes difficult man (aren’t most) who just happens to be part Transformer (he’s a quadriplegic). I gave birth to three children and now have a beautiful Granddaughter who I love to obsess about. I have Blogged from time to time, but this is my first blog on this particular platform. Please, stay with me and Look Back and sometimes Forward into the world of “kasper”. My thoughts are sometimes Chaotic but they always have a point. I also enjoy Poetry so I will toss a gem in every now and again. So sit back and sip your coffee and meet me right back here from time to time. I enjoy a strong cup of coffee with cream and sugar.

yours sincerely,

Kelly Blake (PettySwap) AKA Kasper (March 2017)